Hands Are Not for Hitting: questions to ask and activities to try
Hands can do so many things: wave, hug, help, build. Hands Are Not for Hitting talks calmly about what hands can do instead of hitting, without shaming a child for the impulse.
What age is it for? Hands Are Not for Hitting is best for ages 4–8. Good for: Talking about safer hands during conflict.
Hands Are Not for Hitting (Martine Agassi)
- Age
- 4-8
- Best for
- Talking about safer hands during conflict
Read it at a calm time, not right after a hit. Ask what else hands could do, and practise one of those things when feelings are small, so it's easier to remember when they're big.
What it helps with
- Hitting, pushing and grabbing
- What to do with angry hands
- Calm, shame-free conversations about behaviour
- Sibling and playground conflict
Comprehension and discussion questions
Pick two or three, not all of them. “I don’t know” is a fine answer, and you can always come back to it another day.
- “What else could hands do here instead?”
- “What do your hands like doing?”
- “What does your body feel like when you're cross?”
- “What could you do with your hands when you feel like hitting?”
- “What could you say instead of hitting?”
- “Who could you go to for help?”
5-minute activities to try together
Five helpful hands
Make a list together of five helpful things hands can do, and pick one to try today.
Squeeze and breathe
Practise a calm-hands move: squeeze your hands into fists, take a slow breath, then let them go floppy. Do it together a few times.
Free printables: Hands Are Not for Hitting worksheet and activity pack
This book’s one-page worksheet with the questions and activities above, plus our activity pack: printable scenario cards, three 5-minute activities and a “What could I try?” page for practising everyday skills together. Enter your email and download them straight away.
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If your child liked this, try
The Highway Rat (Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler)
- Best for
- Taking what isn't yours, greed and learning to share
- Age
- 3-6
Room on the Broom (Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler)
- Best for
- Making room for others, and friends who stick together
- Age
- 3-6
The Invisible Boy (Trudy Ludwig)
- Best for
- Friendship, exclusion, quieter children and inclusion
- Age
- 5-8
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By the Growing Wise team · Last reviewed: 1 October 2026
Growing Wise offers educational ideas for parents and carers. It is not a substitute for professional medical, developmental or mental-health advice. As an Amazon Associate, Growing Wise earns from qualifying purchases.